Vice Versa
by SnoOza
Summary: The members of Weiss and Schwartz switch bodies. Oops. ^.^ *chap2* the switch. much fights, rancour, and weird yoga positions.
1. A Premonition

Woobles! This is my first Weiss Kreuz fic, and because I've only watched 5 episodes so far *tears*, please forgive me if I get anything wrong. And kindly point it out to me too. Also, I have no idea where the Weiss or Schwartz stay, so I made it up. Basically, this is an AU fic, no pairings [or not yet anyway], and everyone is OOC. Also, this chapter is rather short, but anyway it's the prologue, so it'd get longer [I hope] later on. Well, enjoy! 

Disclaimer: All characters of Weiss Kreuz belong to whoever owns them [good point, who does?] and Hello Kitty to Sanyo [I think]

_Prologue_

**A Premonition**

_This is a story of four glamorous, flamboyant, and drool-some *drools* _

Yohji: Agreed.

_assassins. Fujimiya Aya, the brooding, heterosexual despite the feminine name, _

Aya: How many times must I explain I assumed the name Aya in honour of my comatose sister, so that I may be able to have her spirit with me even while her body is preserved in indefinite rest?

Ken: Many.

Aya: *Glare of Death*

_leader with flaming red hair. Kudou Yohji, the flirtatious, heterosexual despite the hair, playboy who by the way is taller than the leader._

Aya: Well, I'm _sorry_ I couldn't grow any taller.

_Hidaka Ken, the soccer-loving, just heterosexual, normal dude of the group, and Omi, the tiny tot whose last name is unimportant because its not his real name anyway [Alright, so I forgot]. For your info, he's also heterosexual._

Omi: I do not appreciate being labelled a tiny tot. Neither do I appreciate being stripped of my last name, fake though it might be.

_The four of them form the White Cross, more commonly called Weiss Kreuz because it's a) more fancy b) no one pronounce it c) an attempt to show off linguistic prowess. _

Yohji: Did _we_ choose the name?

_Anywho, now we bring you to the grand abode befitting of the fantastic four [lame pun 100% intended], the floor of the flower shop Kitty in the House. *snicker*_

Ken: Would you give it a rest already? Its not like we bed here permanently.

Omi: Yeah, it's just until Kritiker resolves its lack of funds.

Yohji: It'd better be soon, because this floor is not good for sleep, and without my 9 hours of beauty sleep every day, I will not be well rested, then my hair will drop out, and - 

Aya: Yohji?

Yohji: Yes?

Aya: Shut up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  


"I have a very bad premonition," Brad Crawford announced grandiosely, to the accompaniment of crashing thunder.

"Woot?' Schuldich mumbled sleepily.

"I have a very bad premonition," Brad Crawford repeated gravely, thunder yet again obliging with generous cymbal sounds.

"Oogh," Schuldich mumbled, stuffing his head under the pillow. "Brad, its 2 o' clock."

"So?"

"In the morning."

"Oh."

"You're wearing those chibi-Schwartz PJs."

"Oh."

"Backwards."

"Oh."

"Inside Out."

"Oh."

"Upside down."

"Ohwait, I'm not!"

"Goodnight, Brad."

"Goodnight."

"Just for the record, I still have a very bad premonition."

"SHUT UP!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Huh."

Yohji blinked.

"Wha-?"

Yohji blinked again.

"Gah."

Yohji banged his head on the sink for good measure. Holding his dizzy head, he squinted into the mirror.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

His banshee yell rocked the entire building, shattering eardrums nationwide.

"Nani?!" shouted Omi blearily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes..

"What the ^%*%$!?" Aya yelled politely, pulling the pillow over his head. 

"I'm sorry, mummy! I'll never borrow dad's shoujo mangas again even though I was just interested in the story, not the countless women fighting naked in bathrooms, honest!" Ken yelped wildly as he jumped off his mattress, kicking his covers onto an astonished Omi and falling flat on his face.

"You sick, sick child," Omi mumbled from behind the tangle of sheets.

Aya snorted from under the safety of his Hello Kitty pillow. Blame Kritiker for buying third-rate merchandise. "Not everyone is like you, Omi."

"Do you mean you too..." Omi asked in horror, trying to disentangle himself from Ken's bed sheets.

"NO!" Aya exclaimed, colouring as he sat up in bed. "I-" Aya stopped abruptly, frowning slightly.

"Why's everything blurry? Ken, did you change your hair colour?" Aya asked, squinting at Ken, who was still lying stomach-down on the tiled floor.

"Huh?" Ken said, sitting up the same time as Omi finally pulled the cloth off himself.

Three pairs of eyes widened simultaneously, as did three mouths, and one nose even twitched before all three let loose their salmagundi of opera voices; a sizzling tenor, a tenacious tenor, and a bracing bass.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

**~tbc~**

Sorry its rather lame, I kinda ran out of inspiration halway. Hope you enjoyed it! Review if you did and review if you didn't!

& SnoOza  



	2. The Switch

  
Heyhey everyone! Sorry I took forever to update, but I've been really busy with homework recently. But yay! 13 reviews! Same as my physics test! [out of 40…-_-] – random comment?   
  
Anyway, thank you all sweet sweet reviewers! Because I'm rather strapped for time, I can't reply personally to each reviewer but I'll try to the next chapter!   
  
Oh yeah, some things to take note of. a) OOC is rampant b) The plot has holes large enough to drive a sports utility vehicle through [where did i get this quote from?] c) can anyone spot a very skewered LOTR quote anywhere? d) I couldn't resist some snide comments, so there're abt 3 i think in italics in various points of the story. It should be quite easy to tell e) the first bit is really rather weird. That's 'cos I didn't have inspiration to write the Schwartz's first reactions but I kinda had to if I didn't want to have this huge gap in the story. If you can't quite understand it, muchos apologisos [?].   
  
Very lastly, I'm rushing to put this up because I thought I really have been holding this chap back long enough, so forgive any errors that pop up ard the place and anything I forget to mention.   
  
Disclaimer: Weiss Kreuz = not mine. Damn.   
  
_Chapter 1_   
  
**The Switch**   
  
"Guten morgen! Guten morgen! Guten morgen! Guten morgen! Guten morgen! Guten morgen! Guten morgen! Guten..."   
  
"Sculdich! Shut off your ^&*(%$ alarm clock!!"   
  
*snore*   
  
"SCULDICH!!!"   
  
...   
  
...   
  
...   
  
"I CAN SEE!!!"   
  
*boingboingboing*   
  
...   
  
...   
  
...   
  
"Yohji Kudoe!? What are you doing in our room wearing Schuldich's Pikachu boxers!?"   
  
*mimblewimble* "Wha - AHHH!! Fuji -"   
  
*bishbangthud*   
  
"Take that! And that! And OWW!!"   
  
"Bwahahaha, eat _this_, suckerrr!"   
  
*bishbangthud*   
  
"Why, you lil..."   
  
*BANG*   
  
"WHAT IS GOING AIEEEEEE!!!"   
  
"Tsukiyoyo?" _Dude, at least learn the name of your enemies properly. -_-;_   
  
"DIE!!"   
  
*bishbangthud*   
  
"You won't live through THIS encounter!"   
  
"Oh yeah? Well -"   
  
*BANG*   
  
"WHAT IS GOING OWWW I FEEL PAIN!!"   
  
"Why are all the Weiss members popping in?"   
  
"Who cares!? DIE!!"   
  
*bishbangthud*   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
"He's awake!"   
  
"Ugh," Yohji muttered, rubbing his throbbing forehead. He squinted into the overhead light of the ceiling, trying to remember what he was doing lying on the floor of the bathroom. This was not good for his hair. In fact, his precious permed locks would probably - Yohji's [derailed] train of thoughts was abruptly cut off as a shadow moved over him, blocking out the light.   
  
"Eh?" Yohji shook his head, trying to focus his doubling and tripling vision. "Ooh," he giggled for reasons he himself could not explain. Too much time hanging around chicks, he suspected.   
  
"There's two Brads! Three Brads! Two Brads! Three Brads!" He attempted to poke Brad's nose and missed ('damn') and missed ('damn') and missed ('damn') and "OWWWW!!"   
  
Aya reeled backwards in pain, clutching his left eye while his right murdered Yohji a coupla hundred times over.   
  
"Eh?" Yohji mumbled blearily. "Aya? S'that you?"   
  
He sat up and shook his head vigorously, trying to focus his vision. Squinting at the figure in front of him, his eyes widened.   
  
"Brad Crawford!!!" Yohji hollered, and with an expert forefinger maneouvred his nail into Aya's unguarded right eye.   
  
"AIEEEEE!!!" Aya screeched, his vision disappearing in a haze of pain. "SHI-NE KUDOU YOHJI!!!" he roared, charging.   
  
Fortunately, Yohji was spared being mauled by a crazed Aya when Ken saved Yohji a la Tarzan.   
  
"Whoops."   
  
**BangCrashScreechBumpCrashCrashCrash**   
  
"Er, Ken, I don't think hanging pots were meant to bear the weight of humans, especially those who swing around picking up extra baggage," Omi said, coming out of the storeroom just after Ken.   
  
"I'll keep that in mind for the next time," Ken said, looking somewhat dazed in a peculiar yoga position with his feet above his head.   
  
"Ken, next time you're going to save me...don't," Yohji said crossly as he pulled a flower pot from his head.   
  
"Kudou Yohji..." said a psychotically enraged voice.   
  
"Ken! Save me!" Yohji squealed, dodging behind Ken.   
  
Both watched in terror as Aya advanced towards them, his mouth twitching into a deranged rictus and fingers flexing compulsively.   
  
"Aya, you do not want to mess with me!" Ken said warningly, trying to look threatening in his current yoga-type position...and failing. "Er, erm Aya! Surely we can work this out?" he squeaked.   
  
"No," Aya cracked his knuckles menacingly as he approached them.   
  
"Ahh, er, begone, evil being! Be vanquished! Ah Gilbereth! Ah Ethanol!" _Did you get your quote wrong?_   
  
Everyone blinked.   
  
"Huh?" Yohji asked.   
  
"Dunno, think I picked it up in a book somewhere," Ken tried to shrug, but found it impossible in his current position   
  
"Oh," Yohji nodded sagely.   
  
Aya continued advancing.   
  
"Aya!" Omi cried, darting into his path ("about time!"). "Repeat after me: I am calm. I am calm."   
  
"I am calm. I am calm," Ken repeated obligingly.   
  
"Not you, idiot!" Omi said in exasperation. "Aya, come on. Repeat after me: I am calm. I am calm."   
  
Mechanically, Aya replied, "I am calm. I am calm. I am..." Aya's face suddenly went slack, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.   
  
"You bunch of dimwits!! You think you can fool me with that!?" Aya yelled suddenly, prompting the other Weiss members to let loose unrestrained shrieks of terror.   
  
Aya covered his ears as the noise blasted through his brain like a foghorn.   
  
"Whoa," he murmured weakly when the three of them finally abated. "Omi, that was some pitch you hit. Have you ever tried auditioning for the coloratura?" _Whoa, Aya, where'd you pick up your vocab from?_   
  
"Eh?"   
  
"Soprano."   
  
Omi blushed. "It...it was not...I, the it was warped by the air waves," Omi explained to the satisfaction of nobody.   
  
"Uh-huh," Aya raised his eyebrows.   
  
"Ehm, Aya?" Yohji questioned timorously. "You don't want to kill me anymore?"   
  
"Not today," Aya said reluctantly. "Fortunately you don't go for long nails."   
  
"Phewwww," Yohji visibly relaxed, his hair falling into his face as his head slumped.   
  
'Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yohji let loose a banshee yell. "My hair! Look at my hair!! Do you see my hair?"   
  
"I think we get the point, Yohji," Ken remarked, tired from the morning's events.   
  
"No, you don't!" Yohji wailed, flailing his arms drunkenly.   
  
"Yes, we do. It's red."   
  
"See? You _don't_ get it! I don't mind red, in fact this shade of titian is rather cool, see how it complements my ebony complexion?" Yohji struck a pose.   
  
"Er," Ken returned loquaciously.   
  
"Anyway," Yohji shot him a dangerous glare. "Stop digressing. The point is, look at my hair! It's _dry_. D-R-Y ("we know how to spell, Yohji") dry! And look, split ends!" Yohji helpfully stuffed the proof into Ken's face.   
  
"Schuldich obviously knows _nothing_ about caring for his hair."   
  
"There's dandruff too," Ken sneezed.   
  
"I mean, you could tell straight away from the poofy hairstyle. Each strand of hair is exposed to the elements, just waiting to be abused! He -"   
  
"Don't gripe," Aya interrupted grouchily. "Do you know long it took for me to grow my beautiful mane of red hair? And now I'm blind too. Damn Crawford and his 800+ degrees myopia."   
  
"Hey guys," Omi interposed. "Shouldn't we be more worried about _why_ we have turned into the Schwartz, rather than their er...physical attributes?"   
  
"Hmmph," Yohji sniffed. "Just because you look about the same, 'cept more girly."   
  
"I do _not_ look girly!" Omi squealed.   
  
Yohji raised his eyebrows.   
  
"I...I had phlegm in my throat," Omi said lamely. "And I was never girly anyway." he added as an afterthought.   
  
*BANG*   
  
"Ken!" Omi squeaked, and Yohji coughed suggestively. Omi glowered at him. "I mean, Ken, are you alright?" Omi boomed as best as he could - not very well.   
  
*BANG*   
  
Omi gave up. "Ken!" he shrieked. "Are you okay?"   
  
"Whee!" Ken giggled as he catapaulted off the table onto the floor. "No pain!"   
  
"Nearest mental institute?" Aya asked, reaching for the phone.   
  
"Wait a mo," Omi grabbed the phonebook. "It's - er, Aya?"   
  
"Yes?" Aya snapped impatienty.   
  
"Erm...that's a bottle of mineral water."   
  
"Oh, " Aya put it down hurriedly, a faint pink tinging his cheeks.   
  
"Quick! A camera!" Yohji yelled. "Aya is blushing! Kodak mo - ahhhh!"   
  
*SPLAT*   
  
"Ouch," whimpered Yohji as he unpeeled himself from the ceiling.   
  
Aya cracked his knuckles, a smug smile on his face.   
  
"Woohoohoohoo!" Ken shrieked as he bounced about the room.   
  
Omi and Aya moved not so very surreptitiously away.   
  
"The number?" Aya whispered, dialing as Omi recited.   
  
"Hello?" Aya inquired into the [real] phone. "Good morning. I would like to - no I would not like to order a pizza. No, I am not interested in a Hawaiian, or a Vegetarian...well okay, I'll take the panfried orange with anchovies. Yes, with the extra topping of peanut butter."   
  
Beside him, Omi made a funny choking sound, his face turning an unnatural shade of blue. "Aya!" The kid wailed. "Peanut butter on pizza is gross! Blueberry jam brings out the flavour of the anchovies so much better!"   
  
"It does not!" Aya retorted, before remembering he was still on the phone. "Oh no, no, I realise the pizza does cost that much," he explained quickly into the phone. "I was merely debating whether peanut butter is better than blueberry jam with anchovies."   
  
Aya's face suddenly contorted. "WHAT!? You're a blueberry jam supporter? DIE, FIEND, DIE!!"   
  
He slammed the phone down angrily.   
  
"With food, his vengeance is great," Yohji quipped gravely.   
  
"Like me!"   
  
"Oh, go away, Tsuzuki," Yohji grumbled, pushing the purple-eyed shinigami out of the door. "There's not enough room in here for five bishies. Or used to be, anyway." Again he tugged sadly at his hair.   
  
"Shut up, Yohji!" thundered Aya, still bristling. "What kind of faux mental institute dabbles in selling pizza on the side? Obviously they wouldn't know that peanut butter tastes much better with anchovies!"   
  
"Er, Aya?" whispered Omi. I suspect you must have dialed a pizza parlour by mistake."   
  
...   
  
...   
  
...   
  
"Damn, " muttered Aya. "We need to get specs."   
  
"We need to get shampoo and conditioner," Yohji said mournfully.   
  
"Yahooey!" Ken whooped ecstatically as he vaulted off the walls.   
  
"We need to get a straightjacket," Omi said.   
  
**~tbc~**   
  
I hope you enjoyed it! I realise some parts can be rather weird, but...please review!! Lol. ^^ I believe [unless I feel like reorganising the chaps] in the next chap Brad will be haraased by the most terrifying species on this planet? Can you guess? If you want to find out...review!! ^^ Till next time!   
  
& SnoOza 


End file.
